Nazan is a girl who I met five years ago in high school.She is a real friend to me.She is so beautiful with her nice long blond-hair which look like golden and effective brown eyes.She isn’t tall at all but a bit taller than I am.Her face features are so smooth that as if they were made by a sculptor.She always has a nice smile on her beautiful face.
When we were in high school,everything was so funny for us.After school,we went to nice places to eat or drink something .Both of us liked eating so in our free times,we invited each other to our house in order to cook delicious meals.In those times,we not only ate perfect meals which we made together,but also enjoyed so much.No matter what I told,she always listened me carefully and patiently and then gave me so many important advices to solve my special problems.
Our real frienship was getting better at the last year in high school.While we were preparing University Entrance Exam,we helped and encouraged each other continually in order to succeed in winning.
Now,we are in university.When I look back on,I miss my beautiful friend so much and I miss our perfect,delicious meal parties.I hope our friendship will last forever.In my opinion,it will…
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Honey firstly,you described your friend so good.:)the hook introduces your friend.you used many description sentences and words.maybe you can use a lot of them.Comparisons such as smiles can make the wiriting more descriptive and expressive.the conclusion is Ok.you gave your's opinion.that's so :)
YanıtlaSilDear Busra,
YanıtlaSilYour introductory paragraph is very effective and well written. However, the body paragraphs do not support the thesis statement which is also unclear. Do you describe your friend's features or the time you spent together? You need to desribe your friend in the body paragraphs vividly so that we learn about the
features (physical or emotional) of your better better. Then this becomes an effective descriptive paragraph. Also watch out a few grammatical errors.(She is so beautiful with her nice long blond-hair which look like(s) golden and effective brown eyes…)
Try again!
thank you for your comment duygu :) i liked your comment because you are right i could have added more details but i believe that we will learn mch more effective :)
YanıtlaSilDear Büşra,
YanıtlaSilyour writing is very effective,but it has some grammatical problems for example:
She is a real friend to me.(for me)
She is so....(that)
which look like (looks).
Apart from these it is ok dear:)
Hİ Büşra.. I really liked your essay.I fully understand your friends' and your friendship.Your descriptions and special words are so effective.I can't find any mistakes.But you could say She is real friend to(for) me.However it's totally very good..see you..
YanıtlaSilYou narrated your friend perfectly I think.I liked it.But there are some lacks about your descriptive.apart from this it is good
YanıtlaSilhi!!!
YanıtlaSilapart from some grammatical mistakes your essay is very effective but ı believe you will do your best thanks
thanks for your commends my friends :)
YanıtlaSil